The usual ups and downs

Amber is my dream girl and I love her heart and soul, though at the moment I am very superficial and not liking her outer appearance when she is in Bob mode, I really miss her wearing girl clothes and being clean shaven. I can also notice the subtle differences depending on what clothes she is wearing. Amber is much more confidant and she seems to be much more caring when she has her 'Amber' head on. Bob seems to stress non stop with daily life.

This has put me on somewhat of a downer lately, I feel that this has pushed us apart a little bit, this includes intimacy. There are kisses and cuddles, but that seems to be it at the moment. This is very frustrating as we are doing less together, this I then think has not been helped that we have had a lot of company this last week, spending a lot of time with our neighbours.

I feel that there is no point getting cosy on the sofa as the doorbell will ring. I love all of my friends, and would not turn them away. Just some time with my gawjus gal just the two of us doin girl stuff would be nice.

Getting the blame from the best friend

Last night Amber's best friend popped round for coffee, as yet I am unable to decide on my views of Jo, sometime I like her, sometimes not though like a good partner I don't tell either Jo or Amber this. She is free to be friends with who ever she wants. As it happens Jo is also friends with our next door neighbors. After mentioning that I had bumped into a lady at bingo that mentioned in jest that Jo and Sandra (neighbor) were causing trouble, this doesn't surprize me as both are loud girls lol. Jo flies round next door and Sam (our house guest) is also round there comes back a bit later and tells me that Jo has been saying things like 'I've known 'Bob' for 15 years and Taz only 6 months, he should put me first.' I also know that she blames me for 'forcing' Amber to change her name by deed-poll. for the record I didn't it was something that was mentioned one day, the final decision was Amber's. I know that Jo has also blamed me for the fact that Amber has reduced the amount he rings/visits/texts her. But the one thing that really really REALLY annoys me is the way she calls me Taz, Amber's bit of fluff.

I get the impression that she wont be too upset if the two of us went our separate ways, but I have news for her. Amber and I are in a strong loving relationship and the plan is for us to be together forever and a day. :)

On a much lighter note, I am going on holiday with Louise first week of June, I was afraid Amber would be upset as I didn't discuss it with her first, knowing that money is our biggest worry at the moment. I offered to go with Louise as the lake district is one place i have never been and really want to go, she is a friend that I have only met once but I want to get to know better and if I didn't think I would be safe around Louise I wouldn't have said I will be her holiday companion :)

I've done my usual and gone off on a tangent, oops and once again ty for reading :)

hugz xXx

I love my girl :)

I just wanted to write that I love Amber more than anything and often find myself just smiling for no reason. I feel that I am truly blessed to have met her :)

Bank holiday weekend I thought would be a good time to spend quality time with my girl, this didn't quite go to plan. We spent very little time together and Amber only went en femme on Monday as we had an opticians appointment, knowing one of the girls who works in the shop and she said that it would be funny to wind up the optometrist as he is very straight laced. Amber got dressed and I thought WOW, she has a figure that I am jealous of and clean shaven she looks hot. When we got to Fareham I instinctively went to hold Amber's hand and after a few mins she let go and wouldn't hold it again. This hurt me immensely. She later told me she let go because we were getting funny looks from a bunch of kids and she was afraid that they would 'twig' I don't care what any one thinks of us, however it would seem that Amber is ashamed of us when we go out in public when she is dressed. I don't understand it at all as the reactions of others doesn't bother me at all.