Back to reality

We came home from Hastings on Monday and it didn't take long to get back to reality. :( Tuesday was back to work and Wednesday saw me unable to go in, one of my friends dragged me to Havant for coffee and this cheered me up no end. Thursday and today have been much better, when I have not had clients I have found things to do and keep me occupied.

My home life has been less cheerful, Amber I feel has been distant and we have not done anything together. Granted I have spent a lot of time on the computer, this has been spent chatting with my friends,old and new. Through the angels site I have found some very good friends and have been chatting to them, giving them support and I have found some support in return. Since we returned home Amber has not shaved once and I dislike facial hair on anybody, on Amber it just looks wrong as when I see any 'Bobisms' I feel that Amber is slipping away from me, I know this is daft but I love Amber and I don't know 'Bob'. Amber hasn't dressed after work this week either, which to me suggests she prefers to be 'Bob' during the week and Amber is only a weekend thing she does. This hurts as I know she wants to be a girlfriend and I want a girlfriend. When amber is dressed as Bob she acts like Bob and Amber tends to sneak in, I would much prefer it the other way around. I need stability in my life at the moment and not having my girl around is hard as even her soft tender kisses don't feel the same either :'(

I try to talk to her about this and she shrugs it off saying that I am nagging her, which I'm not, she knows that I prefer her to be dressed as a girl, I don't expect a full face of makeup or for her to be wearing a wig, boobs and girl clothes are enough for me. I feel very alone in this as I don't really know of many partners who would rather their T-Girl dressed as a woman more than a man. I can handle her being Bob at work as building your own salon is hard for anyone, and a lot of people are not comfortable with the transgender thing, I know that a lot of customers have not returned as soon as they have found out about Amber :( this breaks my heart as it doesn't affect how Amber works, if anything it makes her a better hairdresser as she can be more relaxed.

Another thing that has hurt me is that while out on Saffy's birthday bash we created the 101st trans brigade (see an earlier post) and as a bit of fun I turned this into a Facebook group. Not knowing how my friends would re-act I sent an invite to mostly my trans friends. I also sent an invite to Amber and she has ignored it, saying that she doesn't want to join as she doesn't want to draw attention to the fact that she is trans, I can understand this concept a little bit but refusing to admit it at all on Facebook is weird in my eyes. I know that the trans community like to be incognito, but it was a bit of fun and nothing else. I tried to make the page more fun for everyone and things by posting some weird piccys and when I asked Amber for her opinion she just sort of scoffed and showed no interest, I have now lost heart in it altogether.

I am hoping that the weekend is much more rewarding and fulfilling however I have a lot of clothes to sort out and put away (mostly Amber's too) and I wont be able to settle until our bedroom is tidy.